Dreams of Ink

I am awake now and I have to get this out of my head.
I am lying in a massive field of clover grass next to a forgotten friend. We are talking about plans. Plans to have babies, to go to university, to love each other and be happy. Sometimes I think I am lying with Ben, other times with Paige or Tiffany or even you. We are just lying there, laying out the rest of our lives. They are promising never to leave me behind and I am promising not to leave at all. I am content just to lie in the field, dreaming up the rest of my life. We are still and warm, watching the sun slowly cross above us, lengthening the shadows but keeping our bodies warm. I look up and my mother is standing a few steps away from us. I don’t recognise her but I do. It is all about her dress.
She waits while I walk over to her. She puts her arm around my shoulders and reminds me of what I already knew. We are only allowed to be so happy when we are being prepared to have something taken away.
I am taken to the garden. My Carolynne walks me into the secret garden and into Tina’s dream. This time we walk through it together, over to the willow tree and the grey wall. We lay down together and she points out the new roses growing between the leaves. I am leaning into her shoulder and listening to the beating of her heart as she dies beside me. I die with her.
I guess this should be described more as a bad dream than as a nightmare but what is terrifying for some is bloodcurdling for another. It is different to lay with someone as they die than to make it happen. It is a different kind of horror. For now I just hope to be forgiven.