I do not understand why I have a gaping hole which will not be filled. I understand that it will not be filled because I do not know what is missing. What I do not understand is why this gaping, fleshy wound has appeared. I am deeply unnerved and I miss the part of me that is gone. I would like to find and reclaim what I have lost but I cannot. I do not know what I have lost. I believe that to be what is worst. Something has abandoned me but I do not know what it is so the talents of Google are of no use. A search engine is limited by what we already know.
Perhaps it is the knowledge of who I am. I do not remember how I used to think about myself or others. Maybe I just let the world amble by whilst I was busy and now I am unsure of how to catch up to what I do not recognise.
I have been drowning myself in words to escape the loneliness. Not knowing what I do not have, what I do not know is missing has made me lonely. I am not alone but it feels like it. I have tried to save myself by destroying my metaphysical being and turning to the texts which want me, love me, need me to continue existing.
Come back to me, missing and shattered pieces. I miss you.
Terreur.
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