Days have lost their way with me. I want to cry but I can’t; I don’t know how to anymore. I have only just found you again and I am leaving. Why am I always leaving you? The world is fighting against me. I am trying to be happy when I know I don’t deserve it and that is why the world is fighting me. I am being punished and the plan is to let it happen. I am not letting it happen so I must suffer worse to come. I will not fight the inevitable any longer; I will take what I am served and make the best of it. That means getting up at 6 am to keep old friends so I will do it. You are not one of those old friends. You do not see me every day as they see me. It hurts to think I am losing the friends I have found once more but I must. Where else would I go? I need the support, the structure. I need the pretend family we have.
To be carbon is to be human and to be human is to ache. I am tired of aching. I am tired of being alone. I want to be loved indefinitely and without reproach. I am sick of my faults, flaws and inability to forgive myself. Let go. You have to let go. So here: Amy, I apologise for what you have been forced to endure. It was of my doing and I have the most sincere of regrets. As of this moment you are relinquished to live as you please. For the mistakes made when you were young you are now absolved. Be happy. Ignore the plan and do as you please. You are no longer bound by your unforgiving self. I love you as you are.
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