Real friends judge you more on that cigarette

I was pretty sure I was getting booty called at 11.45 last night but no. My ex-boyfriend had the intent of sleeping with me. You know, sleep. His chest against my back and both arms around me. This is not how it works. He lost. He treated me like a game and acted like a player and I won. And I can keep winning if I want because I still have yet to tell him that I actually dated the guy teaching me piano who he hated for being intellectual. And that I love him best. Sully, I love you best. I love Sam longest and I love Trent hardest. When I tell people that to cope with stress, two techniques included are half a cigarette and casual sex with the person whom I conceived my child by I judge just as I am judged. I prefer the friends who judge me on the cigarette. The people who call me unhealthy for my casual relationship are the emotional blackmailers and they have no place if they judge. I don't care. I can hardly feel any more so why should I care? I do not agree that this is unhealthy and I don't think this makes me a slut. I understand that I called it quits but that never meant I stopped loving my partner. He forfeited the right to sunshine and now he gets what he is given, not what he asks for. Last night I participated in a presentation for SANDS as a keynote speaker. I asked that more effort should be made to train persons my age to support persons my age because I felt judged by my loss because of my age. My son was still my son, is still my son. I am just as much a mother as someone in their twenties, thirties, forties but I was not treated this way. People judged me for my pregnancy and then tried to justify my loss. I prefer comfort. So I'll not take it any more. Since leaving the man I have loved for two years, we have had three one night stands and even as I share this with the internet, it is none of your business. It is not your place.