Are you Reddy?

Some people and their timing just make my head want to explode. I've had a head ache the last for days which probably doesn't help but for the most part, I'm just going to blame people. Like Trent. I left him over two weeks ago and I'm starting to feel the sadness instead of the freedom and after not talking to me the entire time, even after I mentioned shark week being late he still has the nerve to fuck with my feels. Half an hour into my shift at work last night, he texts saying he misses me. Yeah, well he should have though of that when he stopped treating me like a fucking princess. I am a modern goddess and the second he stopped worshipping me for everything I have to offer, he put himself in the position to lose me. It took longer than it should have. I have to be a big girl no and tell him to fuck off and never speak to me only I know I would hate to say that. I want him in my life, so badly but he doesn't deserve it. If he so much as wants to stay friends, he is going to have to work himself halfway dead to earn it. I deserve adoration and unconditional love. I am entitled to such more than he has offered. I am and I will keep telling myself that because I'm not believing it. I HAVE MANY ADMIRABLE QUALITIES SUCH AS MY FREE SPIRIT, IMPRESSIVE INTELLECT AND ENJOYMENT OF LITERATURE. I also have boobs. Guys love boobs. Moving on. I've just started to allow myself to flirt and realise other guys actually exist and he comes in with three little words and a sad sideways smiley and just flips shit upside down. There is a sweet guy at work, the kind who says nice things to his mum. And there's a fun guy who tells the worst jokes because he knows how bad they are. And there's the guy with the awesome tattoo who picks on me and calls me out on my dimples. The one who makes an effort to see me before he leaves when we have shifts together. The one who listened to a whole bunch of Regina Spektor songs so he'd be able to understand the secret girl code I've got going with Oriana. And also because I told him about Chemo Limo and he wanted to know why I liked it. I'm attractive and people notice me. I hadn't really noticed them noticing but it happens and I never saw because I felt like I wasn't worth it. WELL I AM. And now that I'm starting to feel my insecurity and anxiety again, when I am vulnerable and nearing weaknesses, Trent tells me I'm missed. What is he hoping for? I'm not allowing a miracle. He's not being instantly forgiven. Relationships are meant to make you happy, at least most of the time if not all. They are not meant to make you sad and insecure and doubtful of the other person. I don't trust him not to hurt me. I don't trust him when it comes to a lot of things actually. He is going to have to work on so many levels just to get me to talk with him. And the first thing I'm going to ask for? The things I left at his place.