Oh, If It Were Real

I have recently been happy with one side effect of my exams. This side effect was the over-tired side effect. I was able to spend many an hour in deep and undisturbed slumber. Then it all came crashing down. I awoke today from my sleep to the realisation that the nightmares had begun again. It has been some time since my last.
In movies you can always tell when a characters has a nightmare. Their body twists and turns as they moan in their sleep. Then they suddenly jerk upright and pant heavily, their face covered in cool sweat.
I don't believe myself to have done the first two and I know I didn't do the third.
I'm also not entirely sure I was dreaming.
I do know that I was suddenly awake and aware of being awake. I was on my side (my left) and looking at Kiinnii without seeing her. Soon after I became aware of the heater in my room. It appears my mobile went off at the exact same time that I was aware of the possible dream existing.
The dream itself: All I was surely aware of was a feeling and it was so distinctly real. I know there was more but I don't know if I saw what happened or not. I don't know if I heard anything or not. I don't know if it even happened. I could just be going crazy. It feels like I've been working up to insanity for all these years but it has just been biding its time.
The problem with the dream: What I was aware of was the feeling that my stepmother was screaming and that my father had hit her. I was awake and in bed wondering if anything had happened. I wanted so badly to go upstairs and see if the world was safe. I couldn't and this is so disappointing. I was afraid and I lacked courage. I didn't want to believe that my father's rage had returned.
If it had...That was terrifying to me. I'm no longer protected by the immunity granted to children and that shows that I'm not as strong as I used to be.
I never used to care if my father would attack me. I would wait for it so I could stand there and prove to him that no physical beating could ever tear me down. Now I tremble at the thought of what his words and mind games can do to me.
I am a coward. Trina could have been hurt and I would just have stayed in my bed, safe and hidden to the world.