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Oh Lemons, how I've missed you. I haven't had a rant in so long. I came on to make one up as I went but I stopped first to read my last post. So now I've found my rant. I read about how I felt because of my miscarriage and it hardly did a thing. I've become so immune to pain that I feel it for no one, including myself. I don't even care what those words about using Lee as a middle name could have done to Ryan. I used present tense instead of past because it's true. I do love him and so hard it hurts. But that is irrelevant and hopefully not the same kind of love I felt 5 years ago. If it is, I'm screwed. Another thing I'm pissed at is the weight gain. I get that I was really fucked up and depressed but I can't rationalise gaining 20 kilos. I WAS DOING SO DAMN WELL. Now I have this little bulge and the bitch of a thing about that is that strangers have put their hands on my tummy and congratulated me. I want to smack them in the face. Granted, when I gain weight it goes to my ass and stomach so I don't actually get the whole 'fat' thing going on. I just get this little bump which makes me look pregnant. So first I have a miscarriage and then it leads to me looking like I'm pregnant? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
So I'm laying on this fake bump of mine while I rant my ass off in the middle of the night with yoghurt. Yes. Yoghurt. A side effect of the over-eating that I'm not happy with; I can't sleep on an empty stomach. There is very little yoghurt left which means my tummy is nearing satisfaction so I'll leave now. I'll go elsewhere on the internet until I give up and have a nightmare with a crying baby who isn't there. That is for another time.