Today's Blog Topic : Desire

de·sire    [dih-zahyuhr] verb,-sired, -sir·ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1.to wish or long for; crave; want.
2.to express a wish to obtain; ask for; request: The mayor desires your presence at the next meeting.
–noun
3.a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment: a desire for fame.
4.an expressed wish; request.
5.something desired.
6.sexual appetite or a sexual urge.

To start me of I have found a few quotes to explain to the world and then pretty much bitch about to my heart's content. Nothing new, right?

“The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
Madame de Stael

What do we take this to mean? Amy's belief: most men think with their penis and most women want them too. Why does it mean this? Well, for the men it's just the disposition of their brain and restricted blood flow. For women it is something more sinister and degrading. Even if the idea of a guy checking you out is pretty wicked. Women are teases and we know it. We are conceited and we want to feel as though the whole world is in love with us. Sometimes it's a self-esteem issue. Other times we just really like the attention. It's disgusting. Women complain about how perverse guys are and then lean over a little further so they can get a better view. If you ask them if they would sleep with a celebrity they'd probably say no, they aren't that kind of girl. If you tell them they'd get a million dollars, they'd jump at the chance.
I digress...I am not supposed to be having an I Hate Women rant, just a rant on Desire.

“We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us.”
rashaski Francois Rabelais (another French Fry)

What does it mean? We want what we can't have, especially if we get told we can't have it. Why? Because people are stupid. The stupid thing about people is that we want what we should not have or do not have. When we are rejected and denied something, the longing for it burns more. We are willing to starve ourselves, never to sleep in the hopes of finding a way to obtain what is not there to call ours. It seems as though we are fighting to steal an ethereal possesion that is not ours.

"It sometimes seems that intense desire creates not only its own opportunities, but its own talents."
Eric Hoffer

He say what? From desire we are given opportunities to obtain what we want and the things we sometimes do can surprise us. But whyyyyy? Well, I guess it's because people tend to go to great lengths for things they desire. It's like there is a big fire burning in your chest and the only water you can find is sitting side by side with what you truly want. What pisses me off about this quote? People don't seem to be able to recognise these talents they possess without wanting something first. Talent is a gift and a fabulous opportunity, not the sidekick of 'I WANT, I WANT'ing. What we are able to do should be discovered for the pleasure of it and not a means to an end.

I hate desire. It hurts people and makes them do stupid things. It's worse when desire doesn't work out for you. It hurts more and begets a vicious cycle of pain and destruction.
Sweet Dreams and Many Cavities
Terreur

In So Many Ways, I Am A Lemon

Hmmm. Could it be that I am surviving constant interruption. Yeah, I suppose that it is my fault for leaving msn on. Oh wait, no it's not. Unless I physically turn off this laptop, msn will NOT log out. Until today, I wasn't even able to change my online/busy etc. status. It did that on it's own when it wanted to. Maybe I'm a little narky because I'm in VCE and my holiday is being wasted on mountains of homework. Or perhaps it's even that I have to prepare for a class I have on Friday AT UNIVERSITY. They're totally easy, right. It could even be that I'm surrounded by dickheads who I MUST put up with because I live with them. You know, the kind who start arguments over lights, miss their daughter's first Easter. Wait, no, it could be that everytime I have an idea IT DISAPPEARS. It may even be that my brother cut his own fricken hair and I had to fix it. Or maybe it's Sean pissing me off by taking jokes too far. Hang on, didn't I get most off a bottle of formula vomited on me by my niece recently? Like, in the last two hours? Yeah, I remember! I had to change TWICE. See, I really think it's the fact that my period takes twice as long to show up as is normal. It could have been the car accident I went past with St John and had to stop and assist at. Hmmm, maybe it's the neglected pregnant dog that sleeps in my room now. What about the fact that I've been having nightmares every night this whole week so I haven't slept? Oh, maybe it's coz I don't have time to do my laundry or have a proper shower without being rushed off to do something else. It might be the fact that my classes are leaving me pretty much broke except for one Wednesday a fortnight. It might have something to do with the fact that the police keep getting called up to my house. I don't know. Maybe I'm just having a bad day? Hmm?
So screw your tea cups, your changed tables and your incessant need to know what people DON'T like about you. Are you RETARDED? Why would you want to know what people DON'T like?

*leaves.*

What Will Keep Me Up Tonight

I understand that I was not a planned pregnancy and therefore am a 'mistake' but am I really a mistake? Was my birth an incident which should not have ever occurred? Do I have the right to be alive after all the stupid things I have done?
This essay is really hard. Why can't I focus and why does everything I write sound like a lie? Why am I struggling with something I normally do well? Where has my creativity gone?
Am I a good person? Why do I keep getting so frustrated and then hold grudges against people I love? Am I really doing what is best for myself or am I just trying to impress my dad and show him I honestly don't need him?
When I was little, I used to have a dog named Munchkin. I know where she is now but I haven't done anything about it. SOmeone else has my gorgeous dog and I'm not getting her back.
Why do I spend so much time with somebody else's kids? All day I'm practically attatched to Kerrie's hip in case she needs me. Where is Luke and why isn't he here with his daughter or ar work providing for her?
I think I'm going to get sick again soon. I'll deny it if I am, I'll tell anyone who says I'm ill they can fuck off. I can't have sick days. VCE is too important. Speaking of, WHY DON'T WE HAVE ANY BAKING PAPER LEFT?
I'm such a clingy friend. And still a grumpy one. I'm just over talking to certain people and I don't want to hurt their feelings.
Where can I get my answers? What about sleep?
Marnie, comment here and die.

Sweetest of Dreams, My Dearest Day Fail

Just had a Day Fail moment. Makes you feel all alone in the world when you get ignored, especially if you find out your mate deletes you too. Guys can be horrible sometimes and girls can be even worse. Either way it still sucks to have a Day Fail.
It's awful. Makes you feel unwanted. Gets you asking where the nearest bridge is.
You know what? I should have a kid. I should go out, get knocked up and force a child out of my vagina. That would right the world, wouldn't it? Like, totally. Kids are great and fun and I love them but what's the use of having a kid now? What would I do if the baby didn't love me? Just because I know other people who insist on sleeping around doesn't mean I'm going to become one of them. I would never ruin my life.
I'd just end it.

An Actual Post Talking About The Night.

So. I'm lying on the mattress in the anexxe and I am surprised by how warm it is in here again. The best things about this anexxe are the glass doors and the fact that this is a permanent structure with welded bits and sturdiness. I like the structure and the solidity. Right now I am loving the glass doors because I can see out of them.
From this mattress I can stay all snuggly and warm even though I'm nekkid and I can see the moon. It's a very pretty moon I must say. It looks to be five eights and in the waning stage. The clouds are spectacular. It's odd how all people can be laying down under the same moon but see something different.
I wish we could all see the same moon. Each of us is shown the same darkness, the same orb of light to shine through it, the same clouds but we all see a different moon. It is because of perspective. I hate perspective. I hate it even more than 'Whose Reality?' and that is a lot.
I just want everybody to lie down and be warm. I want them to drink hot chocolate, read a book, light some candles. They can listen to music, watch their babies sleep, sing lullabies, eat leftover lasagne ( :) ) for all I care. Be comfortable and watch your moon. Try to see it your way but try to see it mine too.
She is there to light our paths and to guide us in the dark. She is well set to mean more than the sun and surpasses all stars.
Sweet Dreams, Sleep Tight

Terreur Nocturne.

Gemi

Today has been loads of fun. My family is happy, the baby is asleep and Scott threw a wicked as play tantrum during the egg hunt. Trina is getting really devious with our backyard! I guess it's a good thing I know it better than her but I would have had even more fun if I didn't. It's not about the chocolate but the finding of things.
I like knowing things. I like to solve problems and search for stuff. I like to feel like I have answers. It rights my world.
I'm really having a good day today so I've come to a conclusion. Sometimes you have to stop and assess things. When you look around you and think someone is messing with your head or playing mind games, it is usually because they are. So today, although I'm having a great time and loving my family I have to speak up.
That's it, I've had enough.
I have my head in a good place. My family is happy. I am happy and I'm too scared to risk that on wild and childish hopes. I am safe at home with an extensive supply of chocolate and the in-laws abundant. I am loved right now by people who are right here. That should be enough.

e.e cummings inspired

it is nine twenty four and i think i am just going to sit her and typ and type without consequence i'm not going to bother with things unless they just occur and hey, if they occur they occur right half the time i do things like punctuate out of routing because i know it is what im supposed to do we are all trained that way. tonight i just want to go with my flow and keep going until i wake up and the world is over i got to help treat this really cute boy today i felt bad because he was only little his bumped head was blue green and i think thats funny because some people would say no its not its red coz they just look the same i wonder what would happen if you stuck a bunch of red-green colour blind people in a room full of paint swatches and told them to right down what colour they are? how would they know which colour to say that would be awesometastic fun but i guess it sucks it would make driving a little odd you just have to remember which light is which and hang the colour wait for it to flash! i've noticed how you dont have much tone in the flow of saying things without stopping yourself you could seem monotonous or too quick or indifferent i dont like indifference it isnt nice or fair be an individual and care its strange how you are different if you care we should care anyway i think i'm enjoying this fractured structure of flow going-with far too much but thats ok because it only affects me needs a vodka and some time with the muffin cam i love that kid she is so good and beautiful i want one thats right jealous of the hippos lol so mean to themselves these supposed hippos were but they were only sick of being pregnant i just accidentally typed in oregnant and it made me think of oregano wayne and i are still iming i think its cute now how he really wants me to want to have a kid my family is kinda nice he reckons practice makes perfect babies i reckon babies is babies and i want one my parents are weird and all that shit from a few nights has died down i dont really like what happened but both sides blew things out of preportion im glad i got to reminisce i dont have many people to tell me about my past i cried myself to sleep after dad told me this story about how he saved me from the highway when i was three how can someone i loath so much have loved me once must have been that time when i was still cute now everything is just screwed i want my dog back i want my huge rottie named munch and i want her to sleep on my feet like she used to i loved that dog so much i remember getting her from this chinese lady and the poor thing had never been outside munch had never even been out on grass it was so cute when she chased after dad she pretty much used to live on the back of his ute tray great welcome back waterworks i really miss that dog i loved her more than i have ever loved any person but some came close see the tuddle notes? yeah wheres tiffany when you need her or monnie but i don't think shell be round our house soon false positive pregnancy test thank god i dont know what i want

Ahhhhh, So Bored This Family Is!

I ovulate in six days and that is a problem because my stepsister's partner, Wayne knows that. He is also trying to convice me to have sex and get pregnant. It was merely a standing joke until now. He's serious that I should have a kid. I laughed, a lot and then I told him if he wants to me to share in the miracle of life thing, he should by me a turkey baster. You kinda need a GUY to get preggers!
Which I, by some kind of miraculous miracle, do NOT have. Nor a girlfriend but they wouldn't be of much use now would they?
And I mostly don't want a kid right now, specially after Monnie's scare. We were soooo worried about that. Besides, I'm still in highschool AND I just bought a new corset for Deej's party. No way would I fit that if I was knocked up. I would be even less able to breathe.
So I'll just be content with watching my little darling niece on the Live Muffin Cam Wayne set up, baby-sitting for Kerrie and sitting with Amanda resting my head on her belly to feel her BOY (you know you're having a boy!!!). Sarah, you're next. I'm just going to be a good little girl and daydream about kids named Choc Hazelnut Spread :)

Oh, But I AM Doubting

In my mind I'd replay our conversations over and over till they'd be like hallucination...
Does that mean I'm crazy? Or does it mean I'm trying to glean something to be hopeful about? What if I just need to hear a voice in there that isn't mine? Where are these questions coming from? Why are they so important?
If I could go back, do it again I'd be someone you could call friend. Please, please believe that I'm sorry...
What is it I did wrong? How am I supposed to fix it? Are we still friends? Or are we complacent and just being civil? Am I really sorry? Or am I sad that things are failing to work out? Do you think I'm your friend? Where are the answers? Why can't I find any answers?
Slipping through my fingers, like the sands of time. Feelings unfold, they will never be sold and the secret is safe with me...
Where have you gone? Did I go to? Will I ever go, for real? Why don't I understand how I feel today? Am I going to cry? Ever again? Can you be trusted? Can I? Do I tell my secrets? Are they already known? Why do I keep asking things? Why am I getting nowhere?
There was a time you let me know what's real and going on below but now you never show it to me do you...
Are you telling me the truth. Am I twisting lies out of everything? Will I ever be told what's going on? Do people hate me for having to explain so often? Why am I so scared of not knowing? Why can I not stop questioning everyone?
Once Upon a Midnight Dreary While I Pondered, Weak and Weary...
Why do I feel so out of place, out of time? Where has all my spirit gone? Am I sick? Am I done with myself? Is it too late late to give up on the world? Or has the world given up on me and I just haven't noticed?

Stop asking me! Get out of my head! Let me rest, recover, SURVIVE!

Your Tummy OWNS You!

Always listen to it. I sorta haven't been and then I sat down to have dinner and WHOA MY GOD!!! Was I starving or what?!?
It was HJ and I almost never like takeaway. Unless it's Chinese...For some inane reason, Chinese food is AWESOME! But I digress! I was all nomm nomm nomm nomm on this chicken burger and I ended up stealing Scott's chips. FATTY FATTY!! At least I haven't started on the ice cream, it's sitting in the freezer until I think I can move again.
I don't think I've had a proper meal in ages, not even at the MCG. They had this chicken thing (out of veggie options AGAIN! grrr and fay-yell) and I only got halfway through it. Couldn't even look at the veggies! Good thing they had little cakey things coz I had one of those and IT. WAS. AWESOME!
So maybe my body is telling me off. I believe it is saying "Feed me you stupid bitch or I'm going to stuff myself with fried foods and greasy animal!". I suppose I should listen but I don't have time or I don't care. Food is my friend but I couldn't be effed eating. I'll just go on the cheese diet and see how that works :) Gotta love Devil Wears Prada. HILARIOUS!!!
Goodbye my little munchkins! Don't forget to reminisce or tip your waitress!